It seems like whenever I I get sad, that's when I turn to blogging. I have been so busy with life, and trying to make everyone else happy, that I forget to focus on myself, and what's best for me.
I have been so stressed out with extra work, school, and now my family is getting on my case. It's like everything in my life is just gets harder for me, adds more stress. I have headaches on a regular basis, and lately I've been feeling like I need an escape, I need a way to feel better. I don't like drinking, or using drugs.
So I eat. And I eat, and I eat and I eat. I just eat junk food until I can't feel anything anymore. I hate it. I feel horrible afterwards.
I wish I could be like those people who say, " Oh just workout. You'll feel better, it's like a drug, and it's addicting!" Some people may feel that way, but I am not one of those people. I push myself to workout. It's a tough decision every single day. It's not something I enjoy, but I know that it's good for me, and I do really like the feeling I get after a workout.
For so long, I keep saying, "Oh, I have big dreams, and goals and I'm going to make something of my life. I'm going places and I cannot wait." I have said this for so long that I bet people wonder why I'm not actually doing it. I have realized that right now I'm not actually living. I have been so upset and unhappy with my situation for years and I am so dead set against living like that that I have completely shut out.
I have pulled out of society. I play along with life as little as I possibly have to. I go to work, and I go to school, and I come home and workout. I watch doctor dramas, and I talk to people online. This is my life. I do nothing else. I don't go out, and meet people. I don't go out of my way to talk to people. I don't experience new things, or go on adventures.
I have been existing, but not living. This whole time, since I've cut out my friends and partying, I told myself that I'm happier, and I'm better off. In some ways, I am, but I really miss having a best friend. I miss having someone to talk to.
I'm starting to think that maybe I'm not actually trying to have a life because it's winter and it fucking sucks, and I hate it so much. I'm basically just hibernating. If I was in Cali, I would be out and about everywhere, doing things and meeting people.
I don't want to blame it on the weather, it's me. But I truly believe it's a factor.
For a while, I thought my life was fine, but now I feel like my life is out of control. It's so overwhelming and I've never felt so alone. I want to try and figure it out, and fix things, but it's just not that easy. I'm sick of worrying about how everything is going to turn out. There's just so much I want to do and I have no idea how to do it. Or how to go about making plans, or saving money. I just feel stuck. I have felt stuck for the past several years. Stuck in this city, in this state, in some dead-end job that sucks, in my parents basement.
I know that in today's society, more and more college graduates are living with their parents, but I can't help but feel like a complete and pathetic loser. Like I'm the only one.
I have changed my college major three times now, and I have made some very bad decisions about my life, and my family likes to remind me of that. So yes, I feel like that only pathetic loser in the world.
I keep telling myself to make changes, and figure it out, but I never do. Maybe I should talk to a life coach. They say to take life one day at a time but how can you live like that?
People also ask, How do you plan life? I think you certainly can plan life, and you should. But things will always happen along the way. Life changes, and we adapt. But everyone still makes plans. I have to believe that I can make plans.
I have to stop existing and start living.
I have been so stressed out with extra work, school, and now my family is getting on my case. It's like everything in my life is just gets harder for me, adds more stress. I have headaches on a regular basis, and lately I've been feeling like I need an escape, I need a way to feel better. I don't like drinking, or using drugs.
So I eat. And I eat, and I eat and I eat. I just eat junk food until I can't feel anything anymore. I hate it. I feel horrible afterwards.
I wish I could be like those people who say, " Oh just workout. You'll feel better, it's like a drug, and it's addicting!" Some people may feel that way, but I am not one of those people. I push myself to workout. It's a tough decision every single day. It's not something I enjoy, but I know that it's good for me, and I do really like the feeling I get after a workout.
For so long, I keep saying, "Oh, I have big dreams, and goals and I'm going to make something of my life. I'm going places and I cannot wait." I have said this for so long that I bet people wonder why I'm not actually doing it. I have realized that right now I'm not actually living. I have been so upset and unhappy with my situation for years and I am so dead set against living like that that I have completely shut out.
I have pulled out of society. I play along with life as little as I possibly have to. I go to work, and I go to school, and I come home and workout. I watch doctor dramas, and I talk to people online. This is my life. I do nothing else. I don't go out, and meet people. I don't go out of my way to talk to people. I don't experience new things, or go on adventures.
I have been existing, but not living. This whole time, since I've cut out my friends and partying, I told myself that I'm happier, and I'm better off. In some ways, I am, but I really miss having a best friend. I miss having someone to talk to.
I'm starting to think that maybe I'm not actually trying to have a life because it's winter and it fucking sucks, and I hate it so much. I'm basically just hibernating. If I was in Cali, I would be out and about everywhere, doing things and meeting people.
I don't want to blame it on the weather, it's me. But I truly believe it's a factor.
For a while, I thought my life was fine, but now I feel like my life is out of control. It's so overwhelming and I've never felt so alone. I want to try and figure it out, and fix things, but it's just not that easy. I'm sick of worrying about how everything is going to turn out. There's just so much I want to do and I have no idea how to do it. Or how to go about making plans, or saving money. I just feel stuck. I have felt stuck for the past several years. Stuck in this city, in this state, in some dead-end job that sucks, in my parents basement.
I know that in today's society, more and more college graduates are living with their parents, but I can't help but feel like a complete and pathetic loser. Like I'm the only one.
I have changed my college major three times now, and I have made some very bad decisions about my life, and my family likes to remind me of that. So yes, I feel like that only pathetic loser in the world.
I keep telling myself to make changes, and figure it out, but I never do. Maybe I should talk to a life coach. They say to take life one day at a time but how can you live like that?
People also ask, How do you plan life? I think you certainly can plan life, and you should. But things will always happen along the way. Life changes, and we adapt. But everyone still makes plans. I have to believe that I can make plans.
I have to stop existing and start living.
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