It's been a few months since I've blogged... oops.
Life has been crazy. I'm facing a lot of new changes at this point in my life, and I keep thinking that there has to be more to it than this.
My best friend for the past 3 years is pregnant. PREGNANT. She's 21 years old and she's broke as fuck. She basically told me they were trying to get pregnant and I told her she's crazy and it's a horrible idea, and don't do it. So now she's pregnant, and I haven't talked to her in weeks. I know that sounds bad, but there's a lot more to it. First she got a boyfriend and basically decided that she didn't need me anymore. She brings him anywhere she goes. I got fed up and basically stopped hanging out with her for a couple months. Then we connected again, and started hanging out and everything was fine. Now she's pregnant and I haven't talked to her in weeks. She is still having parties at her house, and I can bet that she is still drinking and smoking weed! We haven't been close for almost a year now, so it's not my job to be her best friend anymore. She has her boyfriend for that. She knows my feelings about children. I don't want them, and I never will. I'm not a "children" person. I like other peoples' children, but I do not want any of my own. I get that it's her life, and if she wants a baby, that's fine. But they are absolutely not ready in any way, shape or form to have a baby. I already pity that child. Now that she's pregnant, everything is going to change forever. She will never be able to go on trips, or have time for me. We had big plans to move to California, or Vegas. Now that will never happen. I feel like she is settling. Like there's nothing better out there. I guess it all comes down to if she's happy, then I'm happy for her. I feel like everyone in my town settles. They don't reach for the stars, they don't chase their dreams. They take the easy way out, and they do exactly what society tells them to do:
Go get a boring job, marry someone who's ok, and have as many kids as you can.
That is exactly what society tells us to do. I refuse to get married and have kids simply because that's the "norm." Women deciding not to have children is actually becoming a lot more common nowadays, for any number of reasons. I was with my friend who has a baby for not even an hour, and her baby was so crabby! I had to go home! I couldn't take a screaming kid for more than an hour! That's just how I am. This sounds bad, I know it does. But I honestly think that some people just aren't meant to have children.
I mean, I am 21 years old, and I can't even afford to move out of my parents' basement. I still have plans though. I'm starting school full time next month, to be a Paralegal, and I still have a job that I really like. All I need to do is really buckle down and start saving money. If I save enough, I could move to California and transfer to a community college out there by next fall. I want to go there before I finish school, because otherwise I wouldn't find any friends. I can't move across the country not knowing anyone there. That is way too scary of a thought for me. If I start there by going to school, I will meet a ton of people! I have the school picked out and everything. Now it's just a matter of waiting, and saving.
In the meantime, I'm still working on my fitness journey trying to get in the habit of working out 5 days a week, and eating healthy. It's been a very difficult summer, health-wise. I just kinda gave up, and I have no will power anymore. I don't understand it, but food has this horrible power over me. Whenever I'm hungry, I get cranky and I just crave delicious food, whether it's fast food, or processed food, it's still horrible. I just don't want to crave that food anymore! I'm slowly making the switch from drinking coffee to drinking iced green tea.
I want to start writing on a daily basis, whether it's for my blog, my novels, my practice, or freelance writing. I was looking through some of my old writing for school, and it just makes me happy. I miss having english classes and writing. I can't seem to sit down and just write. I'm going to work on it though. I'm going to work on my writing, my health and fitness, and I want to look into becoming a health coach/personal trainer. Even though I know I have to work on myself first, I really want to help others too.
If I had someone that was a little more motivated to help motivate me to workout, and eat healthy, I would be doing so much better. I'm one of those people that need someone to kick their butt out of bed in the morning to workout. But once I become that person, I want to do it for other people!
Honestly, there is just so much that I want out of life. So many dreams, and things to achieve, but I'm stuck in Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin. I know something as trivial as location shouldn't be what's stopping me, and I know that I do nothing but complain about where I live. But I honestly feel stuck. I can work on my fitness journey here, as well as my writing, so I guess that's what I'm going to do. My mom told me that I should look into some Writing Workshops online, or maybe in Minneapolis. I totally would do that, but that stuff costs money, and my mom thinks that everything online nowadays is a scam.
It's been 3 years since I graduated high school, and what have I accomplished? I could be done with school right now! I could be far, far away from this place. In reality, I've done nothing. I've wasted 3 years of my life by partying, and kind of going to school for things that I don't want to go with my life. I've learned my lessons, and that's not to waste life. I need to live it, and I need to grow up. It's so hard to figure out how to live your own life when everyone around you is telling you what you SHOULD or NEED to be doing!
I just want Something More.
Life has been crazy. I'm facing a lot of new changes at this point in my life, and I keep thinking that there has to be more to it than this.
My best friend for the past 3 years is pregnant. PREGNANT. She's 21 years old and she's broke as fuck. She basically told me they were trying to get pregnant and I told her she's crazy and it's a horrible idea, and don't do it. So now she's pregnant, and I haven't talked to her in weeks. I know that sounds bad, but there's a lot more to it. First she got a boyfriend and basically decided that she didn't need me anymore. She brings him anywhere she goes. I got fed up and basically stopped hanging out with her for a couple months. Then we connected again, and started hanging out and everything was fine. Now she's pregnant and I haven't talked to her in weeks. She is still having parties at her house, and I can bet that she is still drinking and smoking weed! We haven't been close for almost a year now, so it's not my job to be her best friend anymore. She has her boyfriend for that. She knows my feelings about children. I don't want them, and I never will. I'm not a "children" person. I like other peoples' children, but I do not want any of my own. I get that it's her life, and if she wants a baby, that's fine. But they are absolutely not ready in any way, shape or form to have a baby. I already pity that child. Now that she's pregnant, everything is going to change forever. She will never be able to go on trips, or have time for me. We had big plans to move to California, or Vegas. Now that will never happen. I feel like she is settling. Like there's nothing better out there. I guess it all comes down to if she's happy, then I'm happy for her. I feel like everyone in my town settles. They don't reach for the stars, they don't chase their dreams. They take the easy way out, and they do exactly what society tells them to do:
Go get a boring job, marry someone who's ok, and have as many kids as you can.
That is exactly what society tells us to do. I refuse to get married and have kids simply because that's the "norm." Women deciding not to have children is actually becoming a lot more common nowadays, for any number of reasons. I was with my friend who has a baby for not even an hour, and her baby was so crabby! I had to go home! I couldn't take a screaming kid for more than an hour! That's just how I am. This sounds bad, I know it does. But I honestly think that some people just aren't meant to have children.
I mean, I am 21 years old, and I can't even afford to move out of my parents' basement. I still have plans though. I'm starting school full time next month, to be a Paralegal, and I still have a job that I really like. All I need to do is really buckle down and start saving money. If I save enough, I could move to California and transfer to a community college out there by next fall. I want to go there before I finish school, because otherwise I wouldn't find any friends. I can't move across the country not knowing anyone there. That is way too scary of a thought for me. If I start there by going to school, I will meet a ton of people! I have the school picked out and everything. Now it's just a matter of waiting, and saving.
In the meantime, I'm still working on my fitness journey trying to get in the habit of working out 5 days a week, and eating healthy. It's been a very difficult summer, health-wise. I just kinda gave up, and I have no will power anymore. I don't understand it, but food has this horrible power over me. Whenever I'm hungry, I get cranky and I just crave delicious food, whether it's fast food, or processed food, it's still horrible. I just don't want to crave that food anymore! I'm slowly making the switch from drinking coffee to drinking iced green tea.
I want to start writing on a daily basis, whether it's for my blog, my novels, my practice, or freelance writing. I was looking through some of my old writing for school, and it just makes me happy. I miss having english classes and writing. I can't seem to sit down and just write. I'm going to work on it though. I'm going to work on my writing, my health and fitness, and I want to look into becoming a health coach/personal trainer. Even though I know I have to work on myself first, I really want to help others too.
If I had someone that was a little more motivated to help motivate me to workout, and eat healthy, I would be doing so much better. I'm one of those people that need someone to kick their butt out of bed in the morning to workout. But once I become that person, I want to do it for other people!
Honestly, there is just so much that I want out of life. So many dreams, and things to achieve, but I'm stuck in Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin. I know something as trivial as location shouldn't be what's stopping me, and I know that I do nothing but complain about where I live. But I honestly feel stuck. I can work on my fitness journey here, as well as my writing, so I guess that's what I'm going to do. My mom told me that I should look into some Writing Workshops online, or maybe in Minneapolis. I totally would do that, but that stuff costs money, and my mom thinks that everything online nowadays is a scam.
It's been 3 years since I graduated high school, and what have I accomplished? I could be done with school right now! I could be far, far away from this place. In reality, I've done nothing. I've wasted 3 years of my life by partying, and kind of going to school for things that I don't want to go with my life. I've learned my lessons, and that's not to waste life. I need to live it, and I need to grow up. It's so hard to figure out how to live your own life when everyone around you is telling you what you SHOULD or NEED to be doing!
I just want Something More.
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